The Power of Forgiveness

In March of 2011, I experienced something I’ve never thought possible, especially since I tend to have the gift of mercy. A venomous hatred seethed from my heart toward someone who hurt my family in the worst possible way. I hate to admit this, but if she were standing in front of me at the time, I would probably be spending life in prison. I know. It sounds horrible. How could a Christian woman say such horrific things?

I referred to her as the master manipulator and destroyer. I have never felt such animosity toward a person as I did that fateful night. For months, I carried the weight of my malice toward her in every part of my body. I fed on my rancor. I let it fester to the point of nearly destroying my soul. I hated her.

God has a way of dealing with us when we find ourselves in the abyss of our own sin, and he did. God never dealt with me harshly; in fact, it was more of a gentle, loving reminder of what His son did for me on the cross. When I felt the nudging of the Holy Spirit to do something about it, a peace settled over my spirit. Best of all, a healing began to take place. The wounds no longer festered. It didn’t hurt anymore. Yes. Unforgiveness causes great pain in our physical bodies.  

I knew my first responsibility was asking God’s forgiveness for judging her and, most of all, for harboring hatred in my soul. Next, I had to forgive her, not just in my heart. I had to say the words. Since our relationship was broken because of what she did and my reaction to it, the only way I could do it was via a text message. I knew she would never answer my phone call. She never responded back, but I still felt free.

In the years since, I have not spoken to her and when we see each other at any of my grandchildren’s school events, I still feel a sense of peace even though she never acknowledges me. I have found myself praying for her over the past year because I know many of the reasons she hurt our family was due to the cycle of addiction. Considering her actions hurt our family immensely, this may seem crazy, but I pray for restoration with all of us.

Bottom line: Forgiveness is a choice. It doesn’t just happen. We have to be willing to follow the Word of God considering the matter.

Ephesians 4:22 says, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Compassion is easier than strife. It takes more energy to hold a grudge than to let go and let God do the rest. Most of all, if God can forgive us for our sins, we need to be Christ-like and forgive just as freely.

Some of you may have been hurt over and over again by the same person. You may be asking how often do I need to forgive this person when they are clearly not going to change? Jesus said, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.” I am not very good at math, but I can tell you it is quite a few times. Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting. It doesn’t mean you become a door mat or punching bag. It just means you let go of the damaging emotions. Let God build the hedge of protection, so you don’t get hurt again and again.

If at all possible, make amends. If you think it is not possible, remember this: “For nothing is impossible with God” (Luke 1:37). I know this to be true because of my relationship with my ex-husband. We hurt each other tremendously and, if I were to be honest, I hurt him more than he did me. Twelve years after our divorce, he and his wife came to visit our shared daughter while we were living in Vermont. We excused ourselves and went and sat in the dining room. Something extraordinary happened. We both forgave each other for the hurt we caused in our marriage. We are now friends. I have gone to his Christian Motorcycle Association dinner with my daughter and our granddaughters. He came to visit me in Vermont when I was going through my cancer. He has been to my house for dinners and parties with mutual friends. Making amends was a blessing for our daughter, grandchildren, and us.

The battle of unforgiveness isn’t reserved for others; sometimes we need to forgive ourselves. I have done deplorable things to the people I love. I was a runner a majority of my life. I don’t mean running in a marathon, or a local sprint triathlon. I ran to protect myself from anyone I loved, anyone who loved me, or anyone I was supposed to love. In my journeys, I hurt those people, not just a little; I hurt them immeasurably. When I finally put myself at the foot of the cross and asked forgiveness of God, I knew with all of my heart he had forgiven me. But I couldn’t forgive myself. For years I beat myself up over the stupidity of my actions. If I were to be honest, I still have my moments. What I have come to learn is the truth and magnitude of 2 Corinthians 5:17. “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” If the sins of the past are gone, then why do I hold onto them as if they still belong to me? Robin Sharma says, “Stop being a prisoner of your past. Become the architect of your future.”  Holding on to the past does make us a prisoner; letting go and seeing how God can make beauty from ashes is life changing. Become the willing vessel, forgive yourself, and let God be the architect of your future.  

Do you have someone you need to forgive? I implore you to do it. When you forgive, you will be set free. You will also set free the person you are forgiving. God will bless your obedience to forgive as he has forgiven you. If you need to forgive yourself, just do it! You’ve got this!