Part I: I Went to CHURCH!

Part I: I Went to CHURCH!

            I had one of the most incredible experiences in my walk with Jesus this weekend, but I cannot share the awesomeness of His power without sharing the dark side of my reality. I am going to be brutally honest, which may shock some of you and others not so much.

            I have resided in the dark night of the soul for the past five years. The night my son found out the truth about his biological father, I lost faith. I trusted God. I made promises to God that I would never tell him the truth if he would only protect my son from the harsh realities of his father’s world. The rubber band snapped in my brain the horrifying night of his revelation, and I lost ground. I walked backward, back to Egypt.

            Many of us know the idiom: Mighty oaks from little acorns grow.” In my case, it didn’t cultivate positive results. My seeds of doubt grew into a forest of mistrust and skepticism. Bottom line. I was angry with God. In fact, I said I broke up with God. Even in my lucid moments, I would try to pull myself up out of the miry clay only to be sucked back in because I was doing it by own strength. Unfortunately, when we do things by our own strength, we are a danger to ourselves and others. I didn’t care about myself, but I did care about being a stumbling block to others. Jesus says, “Woe to the man through whom the stumbling block comes” (Matthew 18:7). It scared me.

            On July 11^th, I couldn’t take it anymore. The depression seeped into every pore. The anxiety riddled my brain with doubts about my salvation, so I cried out to God. I felt like Jonah in the belly of the whale.

            “I called out of my distress to the Lord

             And He answered me.

             I cried for help from the depth of Sheol;

             You heard my voice” (Jonah 2:2).

           

            I knew my heart needed to be right. I am thankful that God is “gracious and full of compassion and slow to anger and great in mercy” (Psalm 145:8) because I am a slow learner. I know where sin leads, especially blatant sin. However, there is a deceiving sin as well. We convince ourselves we are okay, but in reality, we are sorely deceived by the enemy of our soul. I determined in my heart to stop letting myself be deceived, to stop being angry with God, and to stop trying to do things on my own strength. I needed to repent and turn, turn and live.

            When we repent, we begin to hear the still small voice of God. Francis Roberts said, “Be obedient to the still small voice. Thine own imaginings may speak more loudly, but wait upon me always.” So true. I was living in a world of my own vain imaginings. I was listening to the deceiving words of those around me, wolves in sheep’s clothing. I had to stop and listen only to the voice of God. I recognized more and more as time went on if my actions did not line up with the truth of God’s word, then I was a sinner falling short of the Glory of God.

            The day after I cried out to God, I wanted Him to speak to my heart. I picked up my phone, and I saw the Daughters of the King app I had put on my phone months before. When I read the words, I nearly fell off the couch and on to my knees. I know this is long, but I hope you will be blessed how God orchestrates everything in our lives so that we may know his heart for us.

           

            I, the Lord, will set things in order for you! I will set you free. I will set your feet on a             firm foundation. I will set you on fire for My glory. Don’t you see? There’s nothing too hard for me. What I set, none can move. What I set in place and establish by My name, no one can undo. When you turn your heart toward Me, I turn to you. I will establish you in my love and remove all your shame. I will set you free and give you a new name. Sin will not dominate you anymore. Fear won’t run your life anymore. Let me set things in order for you. Set your heart on me, and I will bless you. Set your mind on me, and I will show you great and mighty things you’ve never known. Will you let me set you free? Will you let me set you on fire? You are not too hard for me. Your problem is not too challenging for me. It’s a light thing for me to deliver you and plant you in my perfect will. I will bring you out and bring you in. I will set you free to be all I made you to be. This is my will for you. Don’t you see? This is why my child, it’s not too hard for me. Like a caterpillar is destined to be a butterfly, nothing can change your destiny in me. You will be transformed. You will be changed. You will be born anew and you will walk in all that I prepared for you. I will set things in order for you. I will set you free. I will set you on a firm foundation. I will set you on fire for me.

            I am not going to say everything has been perfect since that day I gave it all to God. However, I do know His strength is made perfect in my weakness. I have seen I how far I have come in the past month even though the devil keeps nipping at my heels. I have made strategic moves based on the prompting of the Holy Spirit to break off ties with people who hinder my walk with God. I want to surround myself with people who will encourage me in my faith and not deceive me into believing God has a plan different from what is lined up in His Word.

            Make sure you read Part II. You will see how God orchestrated an unbelievable experience for me. You will also understand why I entitled the series: I Went to CHURCH!