I admit sometimes I need a backbone. When voices rise against me or circumstances are overwhelming, I stand in the corner and shake like a frightened animal. Can you see it? The trembling limbs, the chattering teeth, and the halted breath. Last Sunday, for the first time in five years, I had an anxiety attack. During praise and worship, I could not catch my breath. Panic set in. I thought my heart was going to stop beating. Is this the season of anxiety? I hope not.
The next day while teaching, I felt overwhelmed by my circumstances. I felt like I was in an onslaught of slinging arrows. Don’t worry. My students are not necessarily the enemy. It is the lion that at first whispers, then growls, and then roars. Thankfully, God brought one simple truth to mind. “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you” (Deuteronomy 31:6). I understand this truth having lived through many trials and tribulations. Even so, I still crumble when adversity first strikes. After years of living through raging storms, I wish I remembered that my God is faithful.
Dependent on where you live, weather related storms are often seasonal. As I write this blog, I can attest to the winter storms being something we often face. We are in the midst of a blizzard (see picture). We have a saying in Rochester – if you don’t like the weather, wait a few minutes, it will change. It is because weather patterns are fleeting and so are our circumstances. The storms we face in our Christian walk are but for a season. I have seen the season of a failed marriage, a cancer journey, a son’s near death, and another son’s drug addiction. God stood with me through each storm. He did not leave me. In fact, He reminded me again and again that he would never leave my side. Another verse often came to mind when I was on the battle front: “Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s ( 2 Chronicles 20:15). Sometimes the vast army is my doubts and fears about the outcome, but recognizing it is not my battle makes raising my sword much easier.
I am going through another battle season right now. A season of questioning where I think I need to be, where God purposed me to be, and where I ultimately want to be. Can I say it is a raging storm in my head? YES!!!! It is a hurricane of doubt, fear, and hope. Sometimes I think I need to be where I am, and I become confused because it is a seemingly good choice. After all, I am doing God’s work. I am doing His ministry. However, when I see myself becoming so busy that I don’t even have time for my daily devotions, I question whether it is truly where God wants me to be. I learned a long time ago the word “busy” is simply an acronym for “being under Satan’s yoke.” I don’t want to be under his yoke because God’s yoke is easy and His burden is light.
I also have to question whether God purposed me to be in this assignment for a season, so he could build character in me and teach me His ways, especially since I am such a wandering carefree spirit. James 1: 2-4 holds valuable truths about obtaining character:
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
I haven’t been counting it joy lately, and neither has my husband. He is watching me weather the storm with very little strength left to run the race with perseverance. He has seen the tears. He has seen the striving. He is concerned, but he, like me, knows it is only for a season.
When it comes to what I want to do, as long as it is in line with God’s Word, I know in due season, he will grant me the desires of my heart. Psalm 37: 4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” God knows my heart’s desire. He knows me so well. I will take delight in this season of trials, turmoil, and chaos knowing that God is helping me run the race. Dayton Reynolds, my pastor many years ago, said, “The will of God won’t lead you where the grace of God can’t keep you.” I know God led to this valley for a season, and He will sustain me through the journey. Psalms 46: 1 says, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” In the Midwest, during tornado season, many people move to storm shelters until the tornado passes. My storm shelter is sitting on the lap of God and listening to his heartbeat. As I listen and rest in Him, my heart begins to beat in perfect synchronicity with His. It is what I want right now. If you are going through a season like mine, pray this prayer with me:
Father, thank you for this seasonal storm because I know it is building character within me. Help me to persevere, but at the same time help me to rest in your loving arms knowing the battle is not mine, but yours. It may rage, but you are my refuge and strength. I hold fast to your word of truth, and I cling to the promises you have given me.You will grant me the desires of my heart in due season.
